Lisa Geichman Prosek

Writing is tough. Who would disagree with that?

But, for me, the least of the difficulty occurs when I’m at the keyboard putting one word after another. And that process can be so difficult that my straight hair nearly curls because my brain’s pushing so hard.

What’s even more difficult is getting my butt, brain, and heart in the seat to write.

I spend much of my day thinking about writing. But I don’t make it to the keyboard as often as I should because people important to me depend on my being present in their lives.

I don’t want to disappoint my family, my friends, my students by being negligent. By not helping when called upon, and sometimes even when I’m not. I want to go to bed at night thinking I’ve done my best to be what everyone needs me to be.

And I’m not just addressing the time folks want to share with me and me with them. Even when I’m away from my people I think about them, worry about them, wish them well, try to figure out their problems.

By the time I get to the keyboard my mind is so cloudy that I often haven’t the peace of mind to work.

Why do I allow this to happen? Why do I so often feel that my allegiance to my fellows supersedes my allegiance to myself?

Writing is solitary work. It requires me to spend a good bit of time alone. Not just physically alone, but also mentally and emotionally alone. I like that state of being. It suits me. It feeds and refreshes me.

The secret is that I often like writing better than I like being with those I love. Because when I’ve finally gotten beyond my obligations to others and put my butt in the seat, targeted my brain and my heart, and started tapping the keyboard making text, I’m in the zone, I’m happy. My brain and my heart no longer have to dissect my motivation and make value judgments about what I’m doing and what I should be doing. By then, I’m doing what’s best for me. What I need to do to be happy and fulfilled.

I’ve worked to support others. Now it’s time to train my efforts on my own self. I have to do a better job of stealing a few moments every day to feed myself so I can be a stronger human being.

It’s time for me to put myself first.